Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies No More

I’ve really been trying to be what I need for myself-listen and hear what I need, pay attention to pains and sensations in the body, and on my self-love journey- be a refuge/safe place for me.

And here I was completely lying to myself about how I REALLY feel about the thoughts I was having.

Can I not even be completely honest with myself?

Why do I need to hide how I really feel from myself?

With others it could be embarrassment, pride, or trying not to cry…but here I am playing head games with myself.

Is it a self-soothing technique “I’m alright, everything is fine” to settle myself or is it so normal to not being honest with myself?

I gasped!

OMG I have been working so hard on not abandoning myself, listen to my body and earning back my own trust and I can’t even put the walls down with me.

It also connected for me why it is so hard to let go.

I needed to acknowledge how I was actually feeling to be able to process it and let it go.

No surprise I’ve struggled with trust and acceptance, surrender for sure, but trusting and going with the flow has felt like taking a beating from the ocean until this…is letting go and being in the flow accepting the present by acknowledging exactly how it feels?

I’m sure someone has tried to explain this to me before and it just clicked.

Okay so here is what I’m practicing… being more vulnerable with myself, attempting full vulnerability with myself.

When I have a thought-logical or not, I need to look at it with curiosity, reframe it honestly and say thank you and then just release it.

I’d be hurt/disappointed or want to cry and I’d say “I’m okay, it’s no big deal, doesn’t bother me” except that it does, clearly.

Wow that still hurts and makes me feel sad and I miss those moments.

While I miss those moments, I need to remember that I was also confused often because the situation was inconsistent.

I’d like to find what meets my needs, does not make me feel anxious due to inconsistency and it’s important that I remember to choose that.

Thank you for bringing up what is ready to be LET GO.

Find Me at: https://www.findingyourlighthealing.com/