Using NO in November

It then turned into 5+ favors and I was wishing I had said no.

No sounds bitchy, not friendly, not open, not helpful, kinda blunt, and actually I think if someone tells me no, my head actually turns and my face gets a confused look.

Did you just say no? Why?

As someone who is working to put boundaries in place, listen to my body, and give myself what I need, No is going to have to happen or I’m gonna lose it.

There is no way that I can say yes to everything if I want to take care of myself, want to avoid regrets, or exhaustion and burn out.

Let me meditate on that.

Let me check my schedule and body and then I’ll get back to you.

I’m going to need a few weeks to catch up then see how that feels.

But for anyone who has been exposed to Human Design you know that many of us know immediately, our body tells us the answer.

So why do we do that to ourselves?

There is no question about what my answer is. I’m not hemming and hawing and thinking about it. I don’t need to get back to you or you don’t need to check back in with me, it’s just a no.

It makes me uncomfortable just thinking about practicing it.

So how are you at saying no?

No! the most common time I’ve heard to tell people no, is in regards to unwanted sexual advances. No means no. The second, just say no to drugs. My no’s were reserved for sex and drugs.

But I also think I’ve been conditioned when I hear no, to begin stating my case, in an effort to change someone’s mind. Like debate class.

Why does no sound so offensive? Does it prevent me from stating my case?

No is a boundary. It does not feel like negotiating. It does not feel like there is wiggle room. It’s short, sweet, to the point, and it says so much especially when it’s used alone.

When a parent says no, we are supposed to respect the no and stop the behavior. But because we are children, it came with an explanation…and as an adult I think I still want one when someone gives me a no. How about an AND with that NO, and what? What is your reason for telling me no, convince me?

I am part of the problem.

I’ve always heard that men are great at no, they say no, there is no need for additional information but that women feel the need to fully explain themselves. Why do we need to explain ourselves as adults? Do we just continue to talk and explain until a red light turns green, like we’ve finally made sense to the other person? At this point in your lengthy explanation I accept your no but only because you have presented me with enough information to make me accept your no?

I think I’m clear on my homework. When I want to say NO, just say no and work on stopping there. How does this feel in my body? When someone else says NO to me, be impressed and respectful.

NOvember to be kind!